Material attachments

Material Attachment

I had to come to a sudden stop and now my heart still pounds wildly. Rock bottom of my bank account was so near as in a mere 24 hours, I have accumulated:

two pretty work skirts
one chocolate brown jacket
a cotton-club white lace blouse
(that goes beautifully with the chocolate brown jacket)
one navy blue chiffon blouse
one pair of Neckermann slippers
one bottle of Australia's Natural Source Hi-Shine Hair Mask
and four bottles of Body Shop burning oils - almond, green tea, bergamont, and lavender

And I've just recently upgraded my gym account to access all Planet Fitness gyms in Singapore and couldn't resist six cute pastel coloured underwear from Hush Puppies. And on my wanna-buy shopping list, I still have a white and brown jacket from Kaco, shades from Evita Peroni, and nail strengthener from Sally Hansen. Also, I still need work shoes.

It all hit me how this has absolutely fallen into the category of shopping-too-much when I was on my way to Takashimaya's cashier today with a black leather handbag that was 50% off its SGD$290 price tag (and bl**dy h*ll I am still craving for the bag right now).

Goodness gracious how unhealthy this has become. Truth be told I've not been buying much for the last year and suddenly it was the unleashing of shopping deprived ME into the stores. And worst off all, *Gallant and *Father Damsel actually nudged me to help myself to some pretty things before work (note to self: remember their quantifier - few).

Shopping was almost narcotic for me as I put on, modeled, and posed for the personal audience that was me in my makeshift stage of a fitting room. I just wanted more and more pretty things that my greedy eyes see.

Not good. Not good at all for the soul. Shame on me and the fact that I have not even started earning my own dollars yet. I seriously need to remind myself all the financial strings I have that come unfortunately with the first paycheck:

Basic Paycheck MINUS
Rent
Utilities
Travel
Food
Toiletries

AND
Study Loan (I wish to pay this off really fast)
Obligatory Pocket Money for Parents and Sister Damsel
Central Providence Fund
Untouchable Savings of at least $500

I swear I don't have anything left.

I know this is all silly (and awfully materialistic of me) to be making calculations before getting that first paycheque or even starting the first day of work yet (June 19) but these are financial realities to face (yes... time to budget).

Some thoughts came unsettlingly to my head today and wouldn't leave me for a moment's rest since their visit.

The first was actually a lovely one where I saw a billboard at a great location along Pasir Panjang road for some low rise apartments. With abundant and flexible housing loans available today, I was all goosebumps to think that I could actually own one of these. You see, post graduation thinking have some parents (as I have discovered in a conversation this lunchtime) pressuring their children for not only work but for a path towards matrimony. For myself, my want of a future lies more in the realm of real estate.

That's definitely a far away plan but something I find myself yearning for after living in campus hostels, parent's home and now a rented space.

Second, I find myself very surprised at this new batch of graduates-going-into-the-working-scene who are hardly thankful of their situations. In brief, I have no idea why fresh graduates whine about their first jobs not paying very high salaries. Most I've met are not paying rent (and by living dependently, most food is paid for too), have no student loans (or have their parents to pay for it), and do not give obligatory sums of monies to parents (believe me, mum's not going to be satisfied with just $100).

In most cases, almost the entire sum of pay is for leisure's use and that's nice cause allowances hardly ever reach even a third of that amount. And so a conversation with *Lala Femme couldn't help but to make me shake my head at her unhappiness with her situation.

If I only had *Lala Femme's luck:

Got offered a $1,800 job but she's not going to take it.
If she did, she might need her parents to give her extra pocket money.
And her parents are already going to pay for her student loan.
She lives with her brother (therefore no rent)
And her brother puts food on the table
(of course, *Lala Femme says that the nice thing to do is to give her brother $100 each month)
Her brother has a car too that she drives around
She is not going to give her parents anything yet with her "measly paycheque"

I am of course very jealous of the financial (planning) fortunes of others and hope they can see how lucky they really are.

However, being green eyed does not mean that I do not recognize that luck strikes each person in different ways. My parents put me through this far and it is my happiest obligation to give them a reasonable token and I would not have it any other way than to pay my own university bills.

I guess it is very important for me to reason and pace myself (in case of dangerous shopping sprees) in the paycheque coming months. I would like to declare myself free of material attachments... Maybe after I get that black leather handbag into my possession and out of my way.

.::.

Goodness me this was a long *ranty post. I call it my therapy of sorts as i) I blogged out how I felt, ii) See how silly and selfish I actually am, and iii) try to be *noble / *saintly / *politically correct.

Also, let me take the chance to say a big thank you to *Sheer who was so kind to spend some time with me shopping yesterday and to give me my belated birthday present of a stunning trinklet to adorn my otherwise plain neck.