great people

What makes a great man great?
(or woman, for that matter)

I love watching The West Wing. Actors have a fast pace of witty lines, and can recall varied facts and figures. I also love the fact that so many jargons and technicalities from university political philosophy days are being used. Sort of makes me feel as if there was a real-ness to what was being studied, rather than just pure theory.

Or maybe theory is still just theory. But a life being able to strategically make decisions on a wide range of society influencing policies, improving healthcare, declaring wars and irradiacating poverty must do a lot on one's consciousness for living - having such importance of existence.

I do crave limelight. Not the Mariah Carey way. Not to say that my name is to be known or to be uttered by everyone but to just be close enough to power and influence decisions even if it is to the smallest social detail or liking.

Only a small percentage of capable people exist in the world. Spectacular individuals are less, and growing fewer over time.

I'm not one of the *extraordinary people out there. And this very thought saddens me so. I mean, Mahatma was going on hunger strikes, here I am cooking dinner parties. I'm more selfish than selfless. More glamour than *dirty work.

And other than sacrifice, there is so much self doubt on ability. While writing would be a major skill set required for my career goals, am I really able to write clearly and well enough? Passion and performance are not exactly always linked in a person.

Of course there will be critics, and of course there is always a way (in this case, self training and practice... or maybe even a course on writing). It is the 'hard' that makes it great. And dreams often don't come handed to us on a silver platter.

But I often wonder if the great men & women had it this hard. To be more precise, I doubt any are as indecisive, not confident, all-talk-no-action (because I simply don't know what next!) like me.

Recently, I heard of a friend's friend who quit her job to intern (for free) at a unknown free-magazine. According to the friend, she was doing so to pursue her dream to write. Three months later and no offer from the under publicised free-magazine, she had to take the next best offer to do administrative work at a totally unrelated field, simply because it is the only option left. From no-pay to under-paid.

I wish I knew this friend's friend well enough to tell her what a silly idea that was, interning when you have already graduated and at an unknown institution at that.

I wished there was a critic-o-matic to assess my career plans too. Silly or realistic?

Due to unconventional ties with my parents (they don't know I'm unemployed), a boyfriend who I now view as supportive rather than an unbiased critic, and friends who I can now predict their answers rather than to get a fair assessment... I really must say I don't know.

So blind hopes lead me and I wish there was a sign to measure future success (I also wonder if I would feel better if I hear from a fortune teller, saying I had a good career in front of me?).