Soul Searching - the Quest

A Little Bit of Soul Searching...

Thanks, *Fongky for a lovely Saturday evening.

I met her after my pedi & manicure session to watch Notes of a Scandal (Dame Judi Dench is goooood), shared a hamburger at *Billy's, a walk to the newly opened National Museum and caught fireworks (while *Fongky caught the attention of the museum guards!) and got beaten at Othello over brownies and ice cream at Moonriver Cafe.

I learnt that while people are our own worst critics and we are always too hard on ourselves, personal points of view are always right according to he or she who owns them. Such is the way the world is a stubborn mule. While we can waste time trying to convince the other to not only conceed to our way but to even begin to understand why we think like this, why not just move on and accept that there will always be this difference. I am now reminded that Dale Carnegie said something along these lines. If only I had listened rather than declare him a bore.

The year of the dog has gone, and being a dog-year-born, they say it is of great importance to handle all undertakings with great care else it will bring great desaster rather than great prosperity.

Being a wreckless and careless *dog, it was a year of great desaster.

Something about being in the midst of a crisis will open chapters (or as *Fongky says, cans of worms) and force upon this muddled brain tasks of over analysing things have passed.

1. I've handled situations of home and the persons involved unwisely

1. My mother and I have a relationship more tense than ever since conversations over CNY with accusations that she was the root of my insecurities

1. Tears and little faith at work despite excellent results that are coming out of my conferences today. Senior management terms it: ye of bad stress management.

They've all been numbered '1'. All matters of importance attacking conscience and forced over analysis.

I don't know if I'll ever get past these mind hurdles. All there needs to be done is done and can't be undone. Especially with work, I think I'll really be great if I can just "chill".

Problem with *Mother Damsel will take a longer while. Much longer. Funny thing is, it goes back to the essence of Carnegie's thought above. And of all people, I should be able to share that *Mother too thinks and feels unconventionally. But I can't. Not too happy to say, but there is probably an emotional load and history enough to write two Amy Tan-type books.

That's all for now. I need to try to "chill".