tears #1

first tears for the year

So fell the first tear drops for the year 2006, an event I didn't anticipate to happen so soon. The independent study I was working on for Plato's Republic wasn't coming along too well and the meeting with the Prof was disheartening.

These are the realities, I suppose, when you can't be the smartest and the best in the things you do. Pretty unfair if academic excellence (vs mediocrity) is something I
desired utmost yet I have to reach so hard to even graze the title, always almost inevitably often falling right below it. (There goes my resolution too for better self esteem).

At times like these, idealism and realism clash to wonder to carry on with passions or sensibility. It is like asking if preference is to be the the so called 'last' in the class of the best students (working hard to get better although the others simply are enjoying scholastic merits effortlessly) or be the first in the class of the 'seconds' (you know, schools have the class grading method). The latter would be less wounding to the fragile ego and maybe with just the right encouragement I could finally fulfill more than I thought I could without the pressure.

But I chose idealism and I'm going to carry on with Plato and work harder. The tougher route, for sure, but as the other experiences in life tells me that this simply makes me stronger.

.::.

I'm going to keep track of the number of times tears are shed this year to reprimand the waterworks display.